The Professionals Circuit Archive - No Turning Back No Turning Back by LH There he is, lounging on the couch, a girl either side of him as usual, playin' his favourite Bodie role for all he's worth. Not that he's fooling me for a single minute. Don't think *he* even believes it fools me anymore. But he still keeps right on doin' it. For security more than anythin' I suppose. How long's it been goin' on, eh, Bodie? How many weeks, months, years even, have you been tryin' to hide from me? Crazy lunatic... why haven't you realised there's never been any need to hide? I want it just as much as you... always have done, in my own, crazy way... It's not easy with Bodie though. It's so hard to say all the things that need to be said and admit to your feelings... and get him to admit to his. He's so scared of his emotions... Ah ha... he's caught me lookin' at him at last. About time too, mate. Where were you? Miles away... God knows what my face is givin' away, but it must be a lot from his expression... What's that funny puzzled look for then, Bodie? Got some idea what's goin' on in my mind? Is that it? Maybe got an inkling of what I wanna say to you? If you have, I reckon it still scares you, doesn't it mate? That's why you've looked away again so quickly... back to the girls... It's no good you know, sunshine. Can't run away from it any longer. And you know it as well as I do. S'OK though, you go on chattin' up the girls for as long as you like if it makes you feel better. Sooner or later though, it'll just be you and me... together... Got to face it mate... got to. You're always telling me what a stubborn, determined little sod I am. I only hope you recognise how determined I am right now... ... looking my way again. A bit worried... apprehensive even... head on one side, questioning... a little smile on his lips. Probably still wonderin' what the hell I'm up to. You'll find out soon enough love. Don't look so worried. Everything'll be fine. You'll see... Course, I have to admit it took me quite a while to cotton on to too, and an even longer time to get used to the idea once I *had* cottoned on. It's a bit of a bombshell finding out you love your partner, when you've never spared a man a second glance the whole of your life. Should have known though. I've been flirting with him and egging him on for years, without admitting it either to him or myself. It's a wonder he hasn't strangled me before now. Wouldn't have blamed him if he had come to think of it. If it'd been the other way around, I'd probably have throttled *him* by now... Funny that though. Bodie never does the old come on routine, not even with girls, which is surprising when you think about it, cos he's got more than a little worth flauntin'. Probably has so much success with the girls he doesn't need to bother. It was me gettin' shot over that Lin Foh business that finally settled it between us of course. There was no turnin' back after that... for either of us. It's just takin' him a bit longer to come to terms with it, that's all. I've never told him in so many words that it was the thought of losin' him that somehow made me struggle to pull through, but he knows. I don't need to tell him. And I understand exactly what it was like for him too. I saw it all in his face when I came round in hospital - all the pain and grief and the love shinin' out of him. I knew what he'd been through. He's watched me like a hawk ever since too. Even when I don't particularly want him to. Always there... protectin' me... lookin' out for me. Gets on my nerves a bit at times, much as I want him. Christ, I can take care of myself. I'm not a child for all he treats me like one sometimes... Time to move. It's gettin' late, and the party's no great shakes anyway. Let's try another look, see if he gets the message this time... So far so good. He's looked back at me straightaway at any rate, almost as if he's waitin' for me to look at him again. Not concentratin' on the girls at all, like he should be. Oh yeah, he's got the message all right. I'll swear he knows... Oh Bodie, is that achy, wonderful little smile all for me? Must've been. He's gettin' up anyway, with hardly a backward glance at the girls. Comin' over in my direction... tryin' to look cool and laidback and unconcerned. He's very good at it too... as ever. Wish my heart'd slow down. It's goin' like a bloody sledgehammer. His smile's cheekier now he's by my side. Definitely lookin' more confident. Is that because he can see how scared *I* am too? God, he's standin' so close I can hardly take it... can feel the heat from hitting me in wave after intoxicating wave. And he smells... God, he smells ... fantastic.. "We leavin' then"? As casual as they come. You've gotta hand it to him. He might be talkin' about the weather. "Yeah. Why not? Party's boring anyway. There must be other things we can do with the rest of the night." Takin' a bit of a chance sayin' that, but it doesn't matter. I know he can read my mind. I'm not springin' any surprises on him... and I *know* he wants me too... I only hope he's ready to admit to it at last. "Oh yeah? What things?" Even cheekier... playin' me at my own game now. "We'll think of somethin'." Predictable reply, but what else can I say? Christ, I wish my voice didn't sound so shaky. "Oh I'm sure we will." Oh Bodie, if you know what you were doin' to me. Oh, but he does. I'll swear he does. Can tell by the look on his face... he knows everythin'. There really isn't any turnin' back now. Seems we're already on our way to the door. Not quite sure how we're managin' it without bumping into anyone though, cos we're still busy lookin' at each other, as if we can't bear to stop lookin'. Such beautiful eyes... black as night... can't even see the pupils anymore... they're completely lost in the blackness... He's draped his arms round me, resting it on my shoulder. I can feel it there, all warm and possessive. I'd kill any other fella who put his arm around me like this, but with Bodie... it's OK... it belongs there. We're outside. It's cold... colder than when we arrived. He's tightening his arm round me, pulling me in closer to his side. Wonderful... Might as well put my arm around his waist as we walk. It's the right place for it isn't it? Yeah, feels... great... better than it ever has with a girl. Funny how we don't need to talk or explain anything. How we both know all at once, and are so sure about it. God, when I think of all the time we've wasted. To have it happen like this, at some third rate, boring party... "You wanna drive?" His voice sounds all hoarse and unsteady. Reassuring really, cos I know mine still is too. Oh no, I don't wanna drive... I'll leave it to him. He does it so beautifully, like he does everythin' else... "OK." He's taken the keys off me, unlocked the door, slid himself onto the driver's seat... leanin' over now, unlockin' the passenger door for me. S'cold in the car, maybe even colder than it is outside. The windows are all frosted up... can't see outside. Never mind... the heater'll soon put that to rights. "Hey..." His voice is so soft now, his eyes glittering across at me in the darkness as he turns to face me, playin' with the key in his hand before he puts it in the ignition. God, he's so nervous... "... before we start off... let me do this, OK? Just to make sure I'm not dreamin'..." A quick, hot, dry brush of his lips over mine, lasting only a fraction of a second... and a fleeting press of his high as he leans over me... Oh God, *he* might not be dreamin' anymore, but I think *I* am. Crazy... a tiny, innocent little kiss like that, and it's shaken me all the way down to my toes and beyond. Oh Bodie... "OK..." His voice is even shakier now, his breath coming in hot, uneven bursts of white evaporating cloud, "just makin' sure, sunshine... just makin' sure..." A light hand ruffles quickly through my hair before he starts the engine, sendin' goosebumps down my spine... and I'm still shakin' like a leaf at the skimming, sensual touch of his lips on mine and the incredible feel of that hot, hard thigh... Never been so hyped up... every nerve end alive and receptive to him... tingling with anticipation... Thank God it's only a short drive. Don't think I could take it if it lasted too long... No, it won't be long now, and then we'll be home, together... and we can spend all night makin' doubly sure of each other. Not that we need to. We're both so completely sure already... -- THE END -- Archive Home