The Professionals Circuit Archive - Without	    Without

 

by Dee 

 
 *(See also "Doyle, Later")*


 Saw Doyle today. At least, it could've been him; I didn't hang about to
see if it really was. Hard to believe we used to be partners. I remember
all that crap he used to spout. Listening to him, you'd swear he lived in
some kind of bleedin' fantasy-land, where you could trust that the next
bloke you saw wouldn't do you over for a quid, or a fag, or just for the
fun of it. Self-interest? According to Doyle, it's a dirty word. We were
supposed to be doing the job we did for the good of the country, not for
what it paid.

 And back then, I sometimes believed he might be right. But back then, I
was a fool. Must have been, not to have learned better from what I'd seen,
where I'd been, what I'd had done to me. Even as a kid. My da certainly
beat it into me enough times: you can only count on yourself. Anybody else
says you can rely on him--it's time to start wondering what he thinks he
can gain from it. 

 I knew what George Cowley wanted when he took me on. He wanted someone
who'd follow orders--most of the time. Someone who could kill for him when
it was necessary. Someone he could hang the blame on if whatever chancy
venture he'd undertaken attracted official displeasure from above. The
mistake I made was forgetting to remember that. 

 My da booted me out when it suited him; Cowley did the same. Oh, he made
sure that it didn't go to trial. Probably reckoned that CI5--and
him--would come off looking a little shady if one of his hand-picked
agents was sent to gaol for murder. Even the murder of a piece of filth
like King Billy. More like disposing of vermin in my mind, but I couldn't
convince anyone else of that. Suppose I should be grateful. Suppose I
should be grateful Cowley didn't shoot me himself, too, when he got to
that clearing and found me, and what was left of Billy.

 Back to Doyle, though. Made it clear what he thought of me, back then.
The funny bit is that I'd thought he believed what he said about us bein'
more than just partners, about us watching out for each other even when it
wasn't a matter of bullets flying about. But like I said, I was a fool.
Hell, I even felt bad about leaving Doyle behind when I left. 

 Took me a while to realize that I'm better off without him.

 -- THE END --

 *Originally published in *Dark Fantasies 3*, Maverick Press, 1995*

   Archive Home