Why Do We Do This Job?
by The Hag
"So why do you do this job? Not just money, is it?"
"Sold my soul to the Devil," Bodie said gloomily.
"You too, eh? What did he promise you, then?"
"Lots of birds, lots of excitement, fast cars, chance at the latest guns."
"Well...and a lover."
"Fell for that old rubbish, did you?"
"Green eyes, he said. Curly hair. Same deal for you?"
"Except blue eyes and hair cut too short to curl."
"Kept his part of the bargain. Tried to get him to throw in an unlimited account at Fortnum and Mason, but he said the opposition had an exclusive and they weren't interested just then."
"I tried for some decent artistic talent, but he said that was more than he could manage. Wouldn't mind givin' up the rest if we could..."
"Had a word with this Yank lawyer once," Bodie said. "Ms Webster. Her family specialised in that kind of thing."
"Oh, she said it could be done. We'd get our souls back. Bodies too."
"Wouldn't 'ave to keep gettin' beaten up and shot at."
"Regular time off and holidays. But--"
"All we'd 'ave to do is split up, right?"
"Stop sleeping together."
"Stop lovin' each other."
"And you know the bloody irony of it all? Danielle says the Devil couldn't have done the actual love part in the first place, but once we'd accepted the contract he acquired the rights. We'd risk losing the lot."
"Well...quite enjoy getting beaten up and shot at."
"Get bored with regular time off and holidays. The money's not bad, either, when you think about it. Usually works telling Fortnum's we're officially confiscating a luxury hamper because there's a bomb planted in it. Got a magnum of Veuve Cliquot once, the manager was so grateful."
"Like paintin' anyway, even if it's no good. And always get out of speedin' trouble by flashing the card."
"Should think we're damned anyhow, even without the deal."
"Be watchin' the snowball's chance up close. Make bets on how long it takes."
"Funny the Cow being such a bible thumper, though."
"Nah. Everyone knows the Devil quotes scripture."
-- THE END --
February 23, 1999