The Protector

by


I've been in this outfit a long time and I've never known Bodie to take an interest in anything but women, eating and staying alive, not necessarily in that order. But the day the new men came in, he was lounging next to me in his usual deceptively casual fashion, and I felt his body tense and then relax again, a sure sign that he was up to something.

Following the direction of his gaze, all I saw were a bunch of very nervous looking new recruits. All sizes, shapes and colors. Nothing out of the ordinary . . . except for that one. I couldn't help snickering an aside to Bodie.

"Hey Bodie. When did we start hiring baby ballet dancers? Think the Boss has some new strategy up his sleeve? Take a look at the little one with the curly hair. That kid is in for a lot of trouble. I hope he knows how to take care of himself."

Bodie looked at him and a slight smile appeared on his face. But there was something wrong. He was being entirely too casual. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. Just sat there looking. So I didn't say anything else either. Just watched Bodie watch the new man. After a few more minutes, my inscrutable friend got up and stretched.

"Guess I'll go see what's for lunch. You comin'?"

At this point, I wasn't about to let Bodie out of my sight. Things are always very interesting around him when he gets that non-expression on his face. Besides I figured that the fact that the new boys were being taken to the mess tent had a lot to do with his sudden appetite. The two of us walked in that direction together.

By the time we got there, a small crowd had gathered around the little one. Up to now, I had just seen him from a distance. I knew he was not too tall, slight and moved like he'd had training from a cat. Now I got a look at the face. (I glanced at Bodie out of the corner of my eye but he was looking over the food and didn't seem to be taking any interest in the baby- baiting that was going on.) He wasn't fooling me. I'd been through too many fire fights with him. I knew him. So I looked back at the face that had caught Bodie's interest.

The face belonged to the body. A cat's face. At once sweet and pugnacious. The eyes were green and set at a funny angle. The gentleness of the face was tempered by a broken cheekbone which told me that either he wasn't as tame as he looked or he had been in an accident of some sort. One look into those eyes and I knew which one it was. There was something else about him that I saw when I looked into that face. He thought the big bad men who were teasing him were beneath his notice. Arrogance was stamped all over that diminutive body, and I got the impression that he was playing with them just the way a cat plays with a mouse.

So far he hadn't said or done anything to give you warning that he was about to take somebody's head off. But when I looked at Bodie, he had a smirk on his face like he knew something about this kid the rest of us didn't.

The group around the boy numbered about ten, and was mostly made up of guys who would make a Neanderthal seem civilized. (One of the unfortunate aspects of this business is the type of person who goes into it. Myself and present company excepted, of course.) Nevins, as usual, was doing most of the talking.

"I'm talking to you, Curly. What's your name? Or maybe you answer to Pretty Boy." This of course, caused all the morons around him to guffaw appreciatively.

The boy stared at him for a full thirty seconds. Then he said, "I don't usually talk to assholes, but since you've asked, my name is Doyle."

Beside me, Bodie made a strangled sound that was a cross between a choke and a laugh but I didn't want to take my eyes from the scene in front of me to see what was the matter with him. I was getting ready to step in and keep the boy's first day from being his last, but as I took a step forward Bodie caught my arm. It was just as well.

Nevins, his face a lovely shade of purple, had taken a swing at Doyle, all his body weight behind it. If he'd connected he probably would have given the kid a concussion, but he didn't. Doyle moved just slightly and caught his wrist as it went by. I didn't really see what he did. It happened too fast. I just know that Nevins dropped just after the snapping sound of his arm breaking. Doyle didn't even look at him. He just picked up a mess kit and got into line. Everybody else just looked stunned. Then I heard Bodie mutter, "That little bastard is doing it again."

Since I'm the curious type, I asked him, "Bodie do you know that mini-tornado?" And Bodie, in his informative fashion, said "Nah. Let's eat."

The next few days were full of talk about the "new boy". Some of it was admiring, mostly from the new recruits or from the older veterans. That kid was good at almost everything, especially shooting. If he could see it, he could hit it. And that deceptively slim physique was as tough as rawhide. The drill masters tried every trick in the book to wear him down and he just "spit in their eye" by not only finishing all the exercises, but finishing first. Of course, this drove some of the guys absolutely crazy. Not Bodie though. He seemed to think the whole thing had been set up for his amusement. Funny thing though, he also seemed to be avoiding the boy. He was making very sure that Doyle did not know he was in camp. At the same time, Doyle appeared to be looking for someone, or something. Not that he was being obvious about it, but by this time I had become a dedicated Doyle watcher. I spent almost as much time keeping track of him as I did keeping track of Bodie. So it wasn't that hard to notice that those big green eyes were never still. They always seemed to be searching the edges of the group or looking into shadowed corners. As the days passed, I could swear those proud shoulder began to droop and an aura of sadness surrounded him.

By this time, I was about to bust a gut with curiosity. I was almost certain that Bodie did know Doyle and was staying out of his way for some reason. If I hadn't known that Bodie wasn't afraid of the Devil himself, I would have sworn that he was scared of him. Then I started to notice something else.

There were men in camp who really wanted to take Doyle apart. There were also men in camp who wanted to take him, period. I have to admit, if you are so inclined, he was definitely someone to fill your eye. Especially if you've been out here as long as some of us have. I began to take an interest in him myself. (Come on, you guys. Did you ever watch Doyle walk across the compound. A stone would take an interest in him, and believe me I'm not that hard. There were men who looked at Bodie like that too, but they didn't have a death wish.)

Because of this interest I did two things. I started talking to him and I started listening to the grapevine. Usually both Bodie and I ignored new recruits and the grapevine. Invincible veteran warrior types don't have time for either. But in this case, I knew that something was going on which could possibly get my sweet little ballet dancer killed or at least seriously hurt so I made it my business to keep an ear to the ground.

Which brings me to the second thing I did. It wasn't easy, but I had finally broken the ice with Doyle. I think it mostly happened because he was lonely. He'd been in camp over a month and hadn't made any real friends. It wasn't that he was unfriendly, just sort of aloof and withdrawn. So when I started acting like his big brother, he was ready for it. It was then I found out that despite all his skills, he didn't belong here. He was a gentle kid, with real sensibilities. More importantly, he was uncomfortable with the idea of killing for a living. He tried to hide it, but that isn't something easily concealed from someone like me. This little man, for all his toughness, was an innocent. The brief flashes of vulnerability were real and under all the cool confidence, he was scared. Real scared. All this reinforced the feeling that he was here for a reason that had nothing to do with training to be a mercenary. He was on a hunt, and it seemed that he was losing the trail of his quarry.

I started spending more and more time with him. I knew I was being stupid about this, but he could really get to you. I wanted him, but I'm not into force. I needed to make him like me. This meant being nice to him and taking care of him. I watched his back and made sure that accidents started happening to people who acted like they might hurt him. They hadn't caught on yet, but as I told you before, most of the guys in this camp are not too bright. Bodie, unfortunately, is anything but stupid. He caught on very fast and he wanted to know why I was doing it. Now I could have told him the truth, but sometimes Bodie comes on a little too strong even for me and I decided to give him something to think about. Especially since he was acting like a jealous lover about someone he had consistently denied knowing, and I thought I might get a clue as to what was going on. So when he asked if me and the kid had something going, I said "I'm protecting an investment. What would you do if you had the chance at someone like him?"

For one brief minute, I thought my old friend Bodie was going to kill me. Those blue eyes got so cold I thought they would splinter. Then he smiled that lazy, cool smile and said, "Probably the same thing you're doing, Sam," and walked away. God, he pisses me off sometimes.

I went looking for Doyle and found him sitting by the river under some trees. He wasn't really very fond of the heat and stayed in the shade as much (as) possible. For a minute, I thought my little tiger cub was asleep and I was about to let him have it for letting his guard down like that, but just as my mouth opened he looked around, his body suddenly ready to fight or run, I wasn't sure which.

I went over and sat next to him and he relaxed. For some reason I felt as if I had caught him on an emotional edge of some kind. Those big green eyes were luminous and I suspected unshed tears were the reason. Finally, a little unsure of his reaction, I put an arm around him and asked him if there was something wrong that I could fix for him. He was rigid for about thirty seconds, and then he leaned into me and put his head on my shoulder. He gave one tiny little sob and was still.

All that soft silky hair was brushing against my chest. I had to fight with myself to keep from tightening my hold and finding out if that beguiling mouth would be as sweet as I suspected. But, somehow I knew that if I did that now it would be taking unfair advantage. He was defenseless, all his barriers down, and I couldn't do it. I really had become fond of the little devil. I contented myself with placing a very soft kiss on top of all those curls and just held him. It seemed to be what he needed because after a while, he sat up and looked at me.

"Thanks. I'm sorry. I don't usually let go like that."

"Tiger, if that's your version of "letting go" I think I can handle it. We Yanks have broad shoulders and besides we are very good at solving problems, as long as they are somebody else's." I waited a bit and then said, "You want to tell me about it."

At first, I didn't think he was going to tell me. Then he started talking.

"I came here to find somebody. I've been through three other mercenary camps. I had a hard time getting to this one because they don't like visitors. But then I ran into a man who told me they were recruiting because there had been a lot of casualties in your last operation. So I signed on. Only it's been a waste of time because the person I'm looking for isn't here either. Maybe he's dead and it's all been for nothing.

I almost thought he was going (to) break down again, but he didn't. He just snuggled up closer and was quiet. When I raised his face to look at him, I could see that he had been crying. Tear tracks were visible down the exotic face and as I watched he wiped at them with his hand leaving smudges the way my little brother used to when he was trying to be brave and not let me see that he'd been crying. So I said, "Tell me."

My feeling that he didn't belong here was dead on. My sweet little tiger cub was a cop. He had met his "friend" in a raid his squad was making against gunrunners. He should have arrested him but didn't. He made a date to meet him instead.

"I'd never done anything like that before. I was a good cop, really I was. But . . .there was something . . .I couldn't take him in. I let him go. I kept telling myself that I wouldn't keep the appointment. It was bad enough that I had let a criminal get away. I kept telling myself that right up until I found myself standing in the bar of some dive down on the waterfront, waiting for him to show up. At first, I didn't think he was going to come and I felt like a first-rate fool. Then I got into a fight with some creeps who think curly hair means you can't fight and suddenly, he was there. He yanked somebody off me, picked me up and pushed me into a back room."

He stopped then and looked at me. His eyes were enormous and wistful. He suddenly looked about 16 years old and made me feel ancient. He was looking very shy and awkward, a neat trick for this graceful little person. I knew I had to prod him to get any more of the story and I wasn't about to let him stop now. Especially since he hadn't yet confirmed it was Bodie he was talking about. (I was pretty sure it was though. Bodie was like a cobra. If he could get you to look into his eyes, he could almost hypnotize you. This definitely sounded like Bodie's MO for getting out of a tight situation. The only thing that seemed strange was his setting up an appointment to meet the young cop after he was away clean. Then I took another look at Doyle and stroked along his back and it didn't seem so hard to understand anymore.)

"Go on, Tiger. Then what?"

"I can't, Sam. You'll think I'm the biggest sucker you've ever met and I really feel bad enough already without that."

"No I won't, Tiger. We were all young once. Maybe you'll feel better if you talk it out. Go on."

"I . . . he . . . he just pulled me to him and kissed me. And I let him. I know I should have done something. Hit him. . .run. . .anything, but I wanted him to kiss me again, so I just stood there. When I didn't push him away he smiled, took my hand, led me out the back and asked me if I had a car. I did and. . .I. . .I. . .Sam, please."

"Go on, keep talking. It gets easier." (I never said I always play fair. I wasn't playing fair now. I wanted to know damn it!)

"I went home with him and I spent the night. Before you ask, no I wasn't an innocent. Not really. I had experimented a little in school. But when I became a copper, I was afraid I'd get myself kicked out so I stopped. Besides, there wasn't anyone I really cared about. It wasn't hard to stop."

"Why did you go with him?"

For a minute he didn't say anything. Then, so low I almost missed it, he said, "He made me feel special. Like I was the most beautiful person in the world. He touched me as if I was made of something precious and he looked at me as if he had never seen anything like me in all the world."

"Are you saying that nobody had ever made a pass at you before you met him? Tiger, that's a little hard to believe. You must know what you look like?"

"Yes. I know what I look like. And yes, I'd had men try to chat me up before. But they all looked at me like they wanted to screw me. He looked at me like he wanted me. He was beautiful and he wanted me."

"So you went home with him"

"Yes. I saw him almost every day for a month. Anytime I wasn't on duty I was with him." He stopped talking for a minute and that mobile mouth twisted in a way that made me want to kill somebody. This kid was hurting. It was like the pain was coming through his skin where he lay against me. The green eyes were getting shinier and shiner and he brushed the back of his hand across them. He wasn't going to cry again, even if stopping the tears killed him. I wanted to tell him that these things pass and that it would get better but I remembered how I wanted to smack people who said things like that to me after a romance went wrong. He was barely grown up yet and this was the first time it had been really important. So all I did was hold him a little closer.

"You know, I used to laugh at those romantic films when the women in them acted like I'm acting now. I used to think nobody could be that stupid. I always used to sit there thinking `Get over it'. I don't think I'll laugh at them anymore. Anyway, after about five weeks, he started to act as if having me around all the time was a drag on him. Finally, I asked him if he was tired of me and he said no. But then he said he was leaving and he wouldn't be able to see me anymore. It was curious, but after the first few days, I guess I thought it was going to be forever. I didn't see myself as a holiday romance, but I guess that's what I was. He told me he was leaving at the end of the week. When I went back the next day he was gone."

I had to say it. "Tiger, if he treated you so badly, why are you looking for him."

"No, Sam. You don't understand. At first I hated him. But then I thought about it. I went over every minute we spent together and, you see, he never said he loved me. I told him I loved him lots of times, but he never said it once. So I knew I couldn't blame him and I knew what I had to do. I had to find him and make him love me. Or kill him, whichever comes first."

He laughed then, and there was absolutely nothing humorous in the sound. I finally asked the question I'd been wanting to ask since the start of this conversation. "What was his name, Tiger?"

"William Andrews."

I almost gave it away, right then. `William Andrews'? I'd been so sure that he was going to say `Bodie' that for a minute my brain stopped working. Only for a minute. "What does he look like?"

"He's beautiful, Sam."

"I know, kid. But I need something a little more descriptive."

"He's big. Not as big as you, but almost. His eyes are blue, he has dark hair. Almost black. And the whitest skin I've ever seen on anybody. I always wondered how he could stand the sun being so fair skinned."

`Bingo'. Bodie, you SOB, I've got you.

I looked down at Doyle. I knew I wanted him, but I also knew I couldn't make my move as long as he was so wrapped up in Bodie. I knew I had to get away from Ray so that I could start thinking with something besides my balls. I needed to figure this all out. Besides, Bodie was still my friend and something was still not right about all of this. He could be a callous bastard at the best of times but Bodie was never mean, and what he had done to the baby had been very mean. "Doyle, why don't you go take a shower. It's almost time for chow. We'll work this out, you and me. Okay?" He looked up at me, a little confused. But he was tired and dispirited and he didn't argue. He got up.

"Are you coming?"

"In a bit, Tiger. I have something I have to do but I'll be right along."

He said okay and started walking back to camp. I watched him until he was inside the perimeter. He may have forgotten about the two-legged wolves, but I hadn't. When he was out of sight I started back toward by billet, trying to figure out what I should do about all this. I decided that the first thing on the agenda was to find out how Bodie really felt about Doyle. If he really didn't care for him, then my way was clear. Even as I thought this, I remembered the expression in Bodie's eyes when he first asked me if the kid and I had anything going on. He cared all right, I just had to find out how much and why he wasn't doing anything about it. I was on my way to do just that when Mickey, one of my "ears", came up to me.

"Hey, Sam."

"Hey, yourself, Mickey. What's up?"

"Don't let on where you got this, but certain people are planning to have a party tonight with your pretty little friend as guest of honour."

"One of these `people' wouldn't happen to have a broken arm, would he?"

Mickey nodded and kept on walking. Damn! I should have known that Nevins wouldn't be a gentleman about getting his ass kicked by someone half his size. I also knew he wasn't stupid enough to try it again on his own. He'd enlist some of his drinking buddies, using a chance at Doyle's delightfully sweet anatomy as incentive. It wouldn't be hard to get them going because half the camp was drooling already and Doyle's untouched and untouchable aura would just make the bait that much more attractive. And my ballet dancer, with his reclusive habits, was going to make it very easy for them. He was in a hut a little removed from everyone else because he didn't like to have too many people around him. All they would have to do is wait for him to go to sleep. There was no way he could defend himself against several of them at once, though I'd lay bets that he would inflict a certain amount of damage on anyone who got a little careless. It was getting dark so they would be making their play soon. Since I thought I might need a little help, I went looking for Bodie. Whatever was going on between him and Tiger, I knew he wouldn't want to see him hurt. But, Bodie was nowhere around and after about an hour, I stopped looking for him. Tiger and I had run out of time and would have to handle this on our own.

I was drifting through the tall grass that surrounded Doyle's place when I stumbled over something. The `something' turned out to be a body. It was Brooks, one of Nevins' best buddies, and he was very dead. They were here already, and it looked like Tiger knew it and was taking care of it. I was so surprised, if anyone had come up on me just then I'd have been a sitting duck. I snapped myself out of it, and started to circle, but I was very confused. Not because I didn't think Tiger was good enough to take Brooks, but because he had killed him. Tiger didn't like killing. I knew that. On the other hand, I also knew that Tiger was scared all the time. He just hid it very well. Maybe the realization that there are five or six guys sneaking up on you with rape in mind had shaken him enough to make him kill.

I had just started to take the risk of moving a little faster when I stumbled over the second one. This one wasn't dead but he would be out of action the rest of the night. By now, I was beginning to get a little nervous. If Doyle was roaming around, not knowing I was out here too, he might mistake me for one of the bad guys, which could be real fatal.

Being as quiet as possible, I started my circle again. About two minutes later, I found Nevins. He was just as dead as Brooks. The hair on the back of my neck began to crawl. I was beginning to wonder if my cub hadn't been playing with me all along. Maybe he was a full grown man-eater and I had been sucked in by those big green eyes, his small stature, and that sweet baby face. If that was the case, I was going to be real mad, because that probably meant he wasn't as innocent as he'd seemed about lots of other things. Maybe Bodie was avoiding him because there was something between them besides unrequited love and he knew Doyle was a man killer.

Since I didn't know for sure how many were out there, I kept circling, though by this time I had about decided that Doyle needed help like I needed an extra hole in the head. I was getting madder by the minute, both at him and at myself, but here I was still making sure he was going to be okay. Me, the old vet being taken in by someone who looked like he should be wearing short pants. Shit!

By now, I was up to the door of the hut. I hadn't seen or heard anyone else. I slid open the door and looked inside. It was dark except for a shaft of moonlight that fell right across the bunk, highlighting the slight body that was still in it, sound asleep. For one brief moment, I thought he was baiting a trap with himself, but when I stepped up to his bunk, I woke him up. Nobody is that good an actor. He looked at me, bewildered and apprehensive.

"Sam. What are you doing here? What is it?"

"How long have you been here, Tiger?"

"How long? I don't know. When you didn't show up for mess, I just came back here and went to bed. What time is it?"

"Have you heard anything outside?"

"Like what?"

"A fight, maybe. Or yelling?"

"No. Why would I hear a fight out here. What's going on?"

So, I told him. He looked at me as if I was a figment of his imagination, and then he started to shake. He kept shaking until I sat on the bunk, and put my arms around him and held on tight. Finally, he stopped trembling and pushed himself away from me.

"I've got to get out of here. I can't take this. Will isn't here. There is no reason for me to stay here. I want to go home. This all seemed like such a good idea back in London. I was so sure I would find him and we would leave and live happily ever after. Sam, I wanted someone to love me and I thought it would be him."

"It is, kid." So, okay, I'm a softy. You don't know Doyle. He could melt granite. If Doyle wasn't the one who had killed those men and I hadn't had a chance to, that left one other person unless Doyle had more guardian angels than Hansel and Gretel. Bodie, the hard man who pretended he didn't know a soft little London cop but who stayed out of his way just the same. Bodie, who looked like he wanted to kill the best friend he had in camp when he thought that friend was sleeping with that same little cop. Bodie, who ordinarily would have made a beeline for a captivating little number like Tiger. And that should have been my first clue. I had to fix this.

"What do you mean, Sam? Do you know where Will is? Do you?"

"Do you trust me, Tiger?"

"Yes." Those cat's eyes were unblinking and as clear as the purest emerald you've ever seen. Damn! I wanted to kiss him but I knew that to do what I was going to do, I had to start considering him off limits, or I would never be able to keep my mind on business.

"Then get dressed. I want you to come somewhere with me."

He didn't argue at all. Just got up and started to dress while I sat on my hands to keep from touching him. The moon washed over his arrow slim body, outlining him against the darkness like an etching by a Renaissance master. I had to keep telling myself that what I was about to do was the right thing but a little voice inside kept arguing and trying to convince me that all was fair in love and war. That, however, was the problem. Doyle didn't love me. I could have him. I knew that. I was good to him and he was starving for affection but it would be a cheat because he loved a mysterious macho figure that had appeared out of an adventurous nowhere and taken his heart with him when he disappeared without a word.

When he was dressed, the two of us headed back to camp. I took him to my hut and told him to wait there. He looked as if he wanted to ask me what was happening, but he had said he trusted me and the question went unasked. He sat on the bed and watched me walk out the door.

I didn't even have to search for Bodie. I knew where he would be and I was right. When I scratched on the door to his tent, he told me to come in. When I did, he was lounging in his bunk, to all appearances as if he had been there for hours. The only thing was, he had the Bodie `non-expression' on his face again, a dead give-away.

"Well. You sure missed some interesting action by turning in early."

"Oh, yeah. How's that."

"It seems some of the boys decided that Doyle was just what the doctor ordered to relieve the monotony of our dreary existence. They paid him a nocturnal visit."

I watched him pretend surprise and then a casual concern.

"Was he hurt?"

"Nope. Apparently our curly haired little angel has one of his own. An angel, that is. Don't know how many tried for him, but when I made my circle I found two dead, and one out for the count."

"Didn't know he was quite that good. Looks can be deceiving, I guess."

"According to Doyle, he didn't have a thing to do with it."

"And you believe him?"

"Let's just say that he needed a certain amount of comforting when he found out about it. I don't think he's that good an actor." Okay, I know. I was hitting below the belt, but I needed some kind of reaction out of him. And I got it, but you had to be a confirmed Bodie watcher to know that I got it. His left hand clenched into a fist and that wonderful face got even more blank.

"The boy is talking about going home. The Boss isn't going to like it, especially since he's good and we're still short handed but I reckon he can buy his contract back if he's got the money to do it. I'll lend him some if he doesn't because he shouldn't be here and I'd just as soon not be burying him because he hesitates when he should be killing."

I watched him latch on to that real quick. He let that icy control slip just a little. I saw a peculiar combination of emotions cross his face. He looked like a man who was getting something he'd wanted for a long time, but at the same time wasn't very happy about getting it. . . kind of a dejected relief. Of course, not being the kind to let well enough alone, I pushed it a little more.

"Sure will miss the little bugger though. He kinda gives the place class, you know. But since his being here is all a big mistake, he should go home before something comes along that he can't handle."

Bodie didn't really want to ask, and I could see him struggling not to but, he couldn't stand it. He had to ask.

"Mistake? Why a mistake? Didn't he intend to sign on with this outfit?"

"Oh, he intended to sign on. He just thought he would find someone that he'd been looking for to make it all worthwhile but the someone wasn't here."

Poor Bodie. He was really caught now. He had to know all of it.

"Who was he looking for?"

"Out little Tiger, smart as he is, fell for some macho stud. The kid thought the guy loved him, but between you and me, the creep was probably just looking for someone to warm his bed for a few nights. He just lucked out and got himself a quality piece for free instead of a hustler he had to pay for. Can't say I blame him either. Would you turn down a chance between the sheets with that sweet young thing?"" I know. I was pushing it. I kept my eye on that clenched right fist. Bodie's temper was uncertain at the best of times and if what I suspected was true, I was asking to have my head separated from my body.

"Is that what he thinks?"

"Nah. Tiger's in love. He can't really believe the guy ran out on him. He's about convinced himself that the man is dead.

"Maybe that's best. Maybe his friend had a good reason for leaving him and if he found him it would mean nothing but trouble for Doyle."

It was about this time that I started to get mad. All my life I had looked for someone to belong to and who could belong to me. I guess I usually thought of a woman but it didn't really matter what the gender was as long as the feeling was for real. I had come close a couple of times but it was never quite right. And here was Bodie, running away from a boy who loved him enough to leave his home and follow him to this godforsaken place. Surely he knew what he was throwing away. Was he that afraid of making a commitment? Maybe I had finally found the one thing that could scare the shit out of my fearless friend. I looked at him long and hard, suddenly remembering just how young Bodie was. He was always so self assured that he could make you forget that he was just a kid himself. I wasn't even sure he was older than Doyle. Maybe as far as Bodie was concerned, my Tiger, with his big emerald eyes, his soft curly hair and that incredibly sensuous nature was more dangerous than a loaded gun. Two babies fumbling around in the dark. Christ! Like I said, I would have to fix this. I let my anger fade away.

I suddenly realized that I hadn't said anything for a few minutes and Bodie was starting to get restless. He knew something was up, he just wasn't sure what. So, I turned to him as nonchalantly as I could manage. "Say, mate. I've got a little problem that I wonder if you could help me with? You know that second hand generator I bought? I just can't get it to function and you being so good with machines, maybe you can do something with it?"

His face brightened. If there was one thing I could use to get his attention, besides Doyle, it was the chance to tinker with some piece of junk that didn't work right. Besides, he was a good camp buddy and was always willing to help out if he could. That included saving your life now and again.

He got dressed and the two of us left the tent. My stomach was beginning to feel like a herd of elephants was stomping around in it. This could be very bad if Bodie didn't feel about Doyle the way Doyle felt about him. Bodie could be very unforgiving about someone messing in his personal affairs. I almost had second thoughts, but then, in my head, I heard the sound of that soft husky voice telling me about his love and I knew I had to do it. Besides, like I said, I was mad. I wasn't going to let Bodie mess this up. I wanted Doyle to be happy. My baby dancer was going to owe me a big favor after this.

When we got to the tent, I told him to go on in, while I went and got us a bottle to keep the night friendly. He said okay and walked in. I should have left then but I couldn't. I told myself I had to stay and make sure Tiger didn't get hurt, but the truth is, I had to know what happened. They both owed me that much if this worked out. If it didn't, shit, I was in trouble already. A little more wouldn't hurt.

For a minute, it was so quiet I thought Doyle had left. I had just got my eye up to a hole in the side of the tent, when I heard his voice. "Will? Oh, God! Will. It is you." His back was to me and I couldn't see his face but I didn't have to . . . his voice told me everything. I could see Bodie's face though and he was as white as a sheet. At first I thought he was going to bolt, but he didn't. He just stood there until finally he got his mouth to work.

"Hello, Ray. It's good to see you. How you been keeping yourself?" This was said as casually as if he were asking about the weather and it stopped Doyle like a brick wall. I could see every muscle in that elegant body go tense. He had been about to throw himself into Bodie's arms, but he hesitated, one hand almost touching his friend's shoulder.

"How've I been keeping myself? Is that all you've got to say to me?"

"Well, I guess I'm a little surprised to see you here."

"A little surprised. I guess no one will ever accuse you of being overly emotional. Okay. I'm fine, Bodie. How are you? How's work. How's the family? Picked up anyone interesting lately?"

"All right, Ray. Can we stop this now? What do you want?"

If you think by this time I was ready to punch Bodie in his handsome, aristocratic face, you'd be absolutely correct. I had my hand clenched so tightly, I cut myself with my own fingernails. He had himself under control now and had assumed that infuriatingly superior air that he usually wore when he was trying to make someone else lose it altogether. He had moved and Doyle had shifted to follow him, still not daring to touch. I could see Tiger's face and I was sorry I could. He looked confused, off-balance, and so hurt I wanted to take him in my arms the way I had down by the river. Nobody should love anybody that much. He valiantly tried to answer Bodie's question.

"I . . . I wanted to find you. I needed to find you. I'm. . . I. . . thought you would be glad to see me. Please, Will. Talk to me. Tell me why you left the way you did?"

"I thought that was obvious. I told you I had to go. Just didn't want to drag it out."

"But I thought you liked us being together. Didn't I at least deserve a good-bye. You just walked off and left me like I was some one-off."

"Look, Ray. You're a nice kid. We both had a good time. Just let it go. You don't really know me. You wouldn't like me much if you did. Go home."

"You may be right. At this moment, I don't like you very much. You didn't care about me at all did you? It was all a big joke. Did you tell all your friends about the na=8Bve copper you had when you were on holiday? Did you all have a big laugh over it?"

"If that's what you want to think, I can't stop you. Just believe me when I tell you there is nothing here for you. Go find yourself a nice girl, or at least a nice city boy, and settle down."

Ray become paler with every word Bodie uttered. He was getting closer and closer to tears but was holding back as hard as he could. I began to think that Bodie's tactic was going to work. He was going to make that kid hate his guts. I watched Tiger take one more step toward Bodie. Everything he felt for the man was on his face.

"If that's all I meant to you, why did you stay with me for so long."

"The sex was good. You're a little raver in bed. You passed the time and you (were) fun to be with. But, sweetheart, you're beginning to bore me now."

Tiger stiffened as if he'd been slapped. He searched Bodie's face for a long minute. I thought Bodie had done it. He'd turned Ray off and the boy would just leave now. But I didn't give Ray enough credit for his understanding of his prey or his determination to get what he came for.

"How did you know I was here? I asked everyone about you and no one knew who you were. Who told you where to find me?"

A tiny flash of alarm revealed itself and then was gone. Bodie looked at him. "I just heard you were looking for me, that's all."

"I don't believe you. You've been here all along, haven't you? Is William Andrews even your real name?"

"Let it go, Ray. I'm warning you."

"Are you? You know, Will, as na=8Bve as you think I am, I know the difference between what a bloke does who just wants to fuck and what you did when we were in bed together. But, just to prove a point . . . if that is all I meant to you, I'm offering it to you now. Is that what you want, Bodie. Just one for the road. For old times sake. For fun. If I was as good as you say, you should be ready to jump me right now. No strings attached. Give the city boy a thrill and then maybe he'll believe you and go away."

All the time he had been talking, Tiger had been moving closer to Bodie, until he was standing right in front of him. Bodie's face was as blank as I've ever seen it and yet I knew that he wanted to take that lithe, beautiful body into his arms and love Tiger to within an inch of his life. Then I saw his eyes narrow and that stubborn expression appear and I was just as positive that he was about to do something incredibly stupid . . . and he did.

He reached out and grabbed Doyle by the shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him up against the door of the reinforced tent. He immediately stepped up behind him, cutting off any chance of Tiger's retreat.

"I get it now, Doyle. This is what you came for, isn't it. You always said you liked it easy and gentle but that wasn't true, was it? I guess I read you wrong. Did you really want it a little rough all that time? Well, baby, I'll be more than glad to oblige you. Then you can get this all out of your system and go home."

He pushed Doyle even harder and one hand held his arm twisted behind his back. The other went around to the front of his body and tore Tiger's shirt open down the front. The boy was trying to wriggle away from him, but Bodie had taken him by surprise and he couldn't really move much without breaking his own arm. I saw Bodie reach for Tiger's belt buckle, and I was already on my feet, ready to move in and stop it, when I heard Doyle's voice. The sound of it stopped me in my tracks. He was crying and making no attempt to hide it this time.

"No, Will. Please. Whatever you do, you can't make me hate you. You can't. You can hurt me, you can even kill me but I'll die loving you. So please, Will. Let me go."

Tiger couldn't see Bodie's face, but I could. He looked like a man in hell. His face was twisted with savagery, but his eyes were filled with tears.

"Shut up, Doyle. I'll make you understand what I am. Then we'll see if you can keep wanting to be with me. When I get finished, there won't be a plane fast enough to get you away from me."

With that, he turned Doyle to face him, grabbed a hand full of curls to hold him still, and kissed him. There was no gentleness in the kiss. It was more like a rape of the boy's mouth and it was obvious that he was hurting Tiger, who was pushing against his chest with both hands. When that didn't shift him, Tiger tried to put a knee where it would do the most good. He missed the main target but he definitely got Bodie's attention. Bodie shoved him away and slapped him hard enough to knock him down. That did it for me. I was on my way into the tent. I wasn't going to let Ray get hurt any more than he had been already.

When I got inside the door, it was more than obvious that neither of the kids had heard me enter. In front of me both participants were frozen in place. Doyle was on the floor, his tear stained face lifted toward Bodie. I had expected shock, fear, or anger from him. What I saw was resignation. And then he made the same little boy gesture he had used down by the river. He lifted his hand and scrubbed across his eyes. That motion seemed to break something in Bodie. His face crumpled and he dropped to his knees next to Doyle. Reaching out with both arms, he pulled the slim body into a fierce embrace.

"I'm sorry. Ray, I'm sorry. Don't hate me. Please. I'm sorry. Oh God, I love you. I love you."

Over and over, like a strange broken chant, Bodie repeated those words, his voice cracked and strained. Doyle melted into him, and stroked down Bodie's back, soothing and calming with every touch.

"It's okay, Will. I'm not hurt. It's okay. You do love me, don't you. You do."

Suddenly he looked up and I was staring straight into his face. The expression on it almost stopped my heart. It was radiant. His eyes were shining like the sea at high noon. Gradually, my presence registered. He focused on me and smiled, shaking his head slightly. Then he cuddled Bodie closer. I started to back out. Tiger had this well in hand. The last thing I saw was Bodie taking Ray's face in both hands and pressing his lips to that beautiful, sensuous mouth. This time it was a lover's kiss. This time, everything he felt for Ray was in his face. For the second time, I had the thought, `Nobody should love anyone that much'. But, maybe it's okay when both parties have the same illness. And deep down inside, where no one but me will ever know about it, I felt a bitter envy.

I went and spent the night in Bodie's quarters since it was more than obvious I wasn't going to get to use my place that night. The next morning I didn't see them at mess but I think I would have been surprised if they had turned up. Those two had a lot to talk over. In a way I felt kind of sorry for Bodie. He wasn't going to know which way was up when Tiger got through with him. He was used to having his own way, the `master of his fate', so to speak. I had a feeling those days were over. Big, hard, tough Bodie had met his match. He was going to find that Tiger was very good at letting you talk him into doing what he wanted. But my old friend was lucky. Tiger adored him. He was going to enjoy the manipulation.

It was almost evening when I received my first visit. I can't say it was unexpected. I just wasn't sure whether Bodie was going to thank me, or punch me out for butting in. I was still in his hut, lying around feeling sorry for myself when he stuck his head in the door. I didn't move but I was ready for anything. When I took a look at his face, I relaxed. My hard- as-nails buddy had the kind of glow you're only supposed to see on newlyweds. On second thought, it fit.

"Hello, Sam."

"Bodie."

"I just came to pack, and to tell you I'm pulling out. I'm taking Doyle with me, so if you have anything you want to say about it, now's the time."

"I don't have anything to say, Bodie . . . except that you were a fool to leave him in the first place. But, I guess you know that now."

"Yeah. I know that now."

He gave me a long, penetrating look and then awareness blossomed on his face.

"You knew it was me he was looking for all along, didn't you?"

"Let's just say I had a suspicion."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"Because it took me a while to figure out how you felt about him. I wasn't going to let him get hurt again, Bodie. I would have worked at making him happy with someone who really wanted him."

"You love him too, don't you Sam?"

"Yeah, and the only reason you and me aren't squaring off is that he loves you and not me. As usual Bodie, you've got the luck of the Irish. Don't fuck it up. You won't get another chance. No matter where you are, if anything goes wrong, I'll find out and I'll come for him. Believe that."

"I believe it, Sam. Nothing will go wrong. I'll take care of him. That's why we're leaving here. I've got to get him some place where he'll be safe."

I nodded, but inside, I had my doubts that these two would ever be what you'd call "safe", but they'd be together to watch each other's backs and that's the most anyone can hope for.

That old charming Bodie smile slowly spread across his face. He walked over and took my hand.

"I'm beginning to realize I owe you a bit of gratitude, Sam."

"You want to thank me? Just don't tell Tiger how I really feel about him and take care of him. Do that and you and me will be square." I got up and shook his hand. "I'll get out of your way now. You've got work to do."

"I'll be seeing you again sometime, mate."

"Not as long as you behave yourself, Bodie. Take care."

I got out of there, because I was still reconciling myself to giving Doyle away. I'm too old to hurt like this and I should know better. I headed back to my own place and my second visitor was there, sitting on my bunk. I almost turned and walked out. I didn't want to see, smell or touch Tiger just then. My resolve wasn't that strong. But I couldn't resist him, not even then, so I went in and sat down next to him.

"I've been waiting for you to come back. Will and I are leaving."

"I know. I just talked to him. I'm glad you're going. This is no place for either of you."

"It's no place for you either, Sam. You could quit and come with us."

Shit! That would be all I'd need to make my misery complete. Being along for the honeymoon.

"No, Tiger. This is all I know. I've been at it too long. But thanks for the invite. You think about old Sam now and then."

"You're not old. And you can do something else. You and Will . . . Bodie are just alike. I guess I'll get used to that name sooner or later. You have this weird opinion of yourself that isn't the real you at all. Neither of you is half as hard and bloody as you like to pretend. Both of you soft and good and easy. I'm harder than either of you, but you just don't understand. I always win, Sam. Always."

He leaned against me and put his arms around me. Very gently, he touched my mouth with his.

"I wish I could give you what you want, Sam. But I can't. There's only Will."

"I know, kid. No explanation necessary. You just remember what I taught you about staying alive. It works in the city too."

"I'll remember . . . everything."

He got up then and walked out of the tent without looking back.

I lay there on my back looking at the ceiling and going over it all in my mind. The little bastard was right. He probably was harder than either me or Bodie. It was certain sure that he had more guts, at least about going after what he wanted. If I hadn't felt so lousy, I would have been laughing. My little Tiger cub was a great manipulator and I can testify that both us hard men loved it. Poor, lucky Bodie. He didn't have a chance. And then, because my Tiger is always right, and always gets what he wants, I started making plans to get out of here. I can always do something else. Can't I?

-- THE END --

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