A Little Night Music
This story may not mean a great deal to anyone who does not know, or who dislikes the song 'Music of the Night' from Phantom of the Opera. Not a great fan of Lloyd Webber's music myself, I can only put it down to a momentary, though overwhelming aberration.
Bodie's car swept to a halt beside the kerb outside Doyle's flat. He stepped out and sauntered across the pavement and climbed the flight of steps towards the front door, feeling good dressed in the elegant black dinner jacket. 'Perhaps it is possible to gild the lily after all...'he thought smugly, before the sight of Ray in similar attire drove all coherent thought from his mind.
"My, my...don't you clean up well?" murmured Ray as he passed him, leaving him befuddled in a cloud of expensive cologne underscored by the unique Doyle scent. As Bodie regained his senses he cursed his oversensitive nose and his overheated imagination.
"Don't look so bad yourself, mate..." he answered, ruthlessly clamping down on every rebellious cell in his body.
Doyle looked at him patiently, then quizzically. "Aren't you going to unlock the door?"
"Oh...right."
He leaned across brushing against Doyle's arm and the lock clicked open. He was again assaulted by the exquisite aroma. As he walked around to the driver's door he took a few calming breaths and managed to slide into the car as an approximation of a rational being. Under cover of negotiating the crazy early evening traffic he reflected for the thousandth time on the dilemma he faced. And as usual it proved to be a pointless exercise. He was drawn to Ray Doyle like a moth to a flame. Not a very rewarding relationship for either party, but he'd noticed that generally the moth came off worst.
He'd been able to handle it when it had just been lust. That was something that could be redirected, and boy had he done some redirecting! If he'd gone to Cowley then and asked for a different partner he could have dealt with that too. He'd be carrying around a bitter regret but that would be a hell of a lot easier than the baggage he now carried around each day. Bit like Marley's ghost, 'except these were sins he hadn't been allowed to commit. A smile crossed his lips briefly. It wasn't just his hunger for Ray, though God knows that was bad enough, it was having to share him with others, it was the separateness of their lives despite their closeness and above all it was the mind-numbing fear that he could lose him. Somewhere along the journey they'd shared Bodie's friendship for Ray had become love for Ray. The sweet torment of the moth in its dance of adoration round the flame had become his life. And he was as powerless to change it as any fluttering creature. A heavy sigh escaped him.
"Ah Bodie, it's not that bad. Know you don't like the theatre but it's not every day the job takes us to the opening of a big West End musical, private box, champers and supper laid on."
"Yeah, with potential assassins provided at no extra charge?"
"You're bloody never satisfied, we could be stuck in some grotty two up, two down and have the assassins as well."
"Too true, mate..." Bodie firmly reined in his depression, Ray had been looking forward to this, "...after all this is more my natural element. Just hope I don't nod off during the boring bits between the socialising and the food."
"Hope not, wouldn't like to have to wake you up to watch my back if things get hairy."
'Just try stopping me watching you, Doyle,' thought Bodie as Ray rambled on about the show.
"...you remember, the old black and white film with Claude Rains, all about the composer who gets horribly scarred and goes to live in the sewers."
"We're going to spend three hours watching some nutter live in a sewer. And he's going to be singing at us?"
Doyle gave up at that point and they finished the journey to the theatre in comradely silence.
"Ah Bodie, Doyle..." Cowley's dulcet tones cut through the excited babble of theatregoers, "...here are your invitations. The ambassador's car should be here any minute. You know the seating arrangement?"
"Yes sir," they chorused.
"Remember you're here as guests of the ambassador. That is not a licence to act the fool Bodie, nor make free with the champagne, either of you." That earned him a Doyle scowl. "I'm not expecting trouble tonight, but keep your wits about you."
"Hope you enjoy the show too, sir," remarked Bodie as his boss abruptly left them to greet the Israeli Ambassador and his wife.
"Ambassador, Madame, this is Bodie and Doyle. They'll be escorting you throughout the evening." After the handshakes and the greetings Cowley ferreted away to his next assignment leaving the two agents to guide the VIP's to their seats. The box though prominently located had proved to be a fairly secure location. There was only one line of sight that had given cause for concern during their inspection earlier in the day. Cowley had strategically placed a gilt chair the occupancy of which would effectively deny a hitman his target. There had been a good deal of banter regarding 'cannon fodder' and 'sacrificial lambs' before he'd chased them out of his sight. As they moved along the corridor towards the door of the box Bodie manoeuvred in front of the guests determined to lay first claim to the hot seat.
As soon as the dignitaries were seated and comfortable he sat down leaning out slightly over the edge of the box to take in the sights and sounds of the magnificent theatre. He was looking for anything out of the ordinary. But what was ordinary here amid the furs and diamonds and 'luvies'? Watching the crowd he didn't sense any danger. These people were here to see and been seen.
"Oi...." Ray tapped his shoulder and handed him a glass of champagne. "You appear to be in my seat, sir."
"I beg to differ...."
But Ray interrupted him with a fierce whisper. "I want to see the stage, Bodie, now hoppit!"
Reluctantly Bodie vacated the chair and moved to the back of the box into the observation position. 'Why not?' He thought, 'Ray will appreciate it more than me.'
He could still see a good proportion of the stage but what was better was he had a terrific view of Ray. He watched him make easy chitchat with the ambassador's wife until the lights faded in the amphitheatre and a hush of anticipation fell over the audience. A ripple of applause greeted the conductor and the start of the overture.
To Bodie the music was bland. He was surprised that Ray appeared to be enjoying it. Wasn't his usual thing at all. Then the curtain rose and the light from the stage spilled out catching Doyle's profile in a soft glow and Bodie leaned back to enjoy his own very personal show.
It wasn't until after the interval that Bodie began to get drawn into the story. The production good enough to suspend the disbelief of even this hardened CI5 agent. Then quite suddenly a tendril of music began in the orchestra pit that seemed familiar to him because it was the one tune in the overture that stayed with him. The lead tenor moved to centre stage ready to take up the lyric.
Night time sharpensThe music swirled around him provocatively, sensually, but it was the words that held him.
Heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses
Abandon their defences
Helpless to resist...
Softly, deftlyIt overwhelmed him, arousing him in an unfamiliar way. He was aware of a flush spreading across his face, a catch in his breathing. Fortunately the ambassador and his wife were too engrossed in the performance to be aware of him, as was Ray...
Music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it
Secretly possess you
. Open up your mind
Let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight...
Let the dream begin,...who was watching him with an intensity usually reserved for interrogation sessions. And like the novice poker player that he wasn't, his face revealed in a split second every thing he had kept locked away from Ray for three years.
Let your darker side give in...
You alone can make my soul take flight....It was Bodie who broke the look leaning back into the shadows of the box. The seductive music wound down leaving Bodie hanging somewhere between desperation and terror, his stomach tied in knots and his 'cool' heart hammering in his chest.
Quite abruptly, it seemed to him, the musical reached its denouement and after numerous standing ovations and speeches the house lights came on to full and there was no hiding place. Unable to avoid it any longer Bodie glanced over at his partner. The returning glance was completely neutral. Bodie was soothed somewhat. Perhaps he had simply misread the look.
The supper, served in an adjoining hotel, was very grand and each guest was given a presentation pack as a souvenir of the evening. As he and Doyle escorted their charges to the limo he noticed his partner had also managed to acquire a bottle of champagne. They reported to Cowley and headed back to the place where they'd parked the car.
"Told you you'd like it." Doyle observed smugly.
"Was okay. If you like that kind of thing."
"Yeah, suppose not everyone likes that kind of thing." There was a strange edge to Doyle's voice.
"But then you can never be sure about something until you try it."
Bodie gave him a sideways glance. His face said nothing.
The Capri pulled in outside Doyle's flat.
"See you about eleven, Ray."
Doyle leaned back into the car brandishing the champagne, "M'not going to drink this on my own. Come on."
"No, I'm tired...."
"The champagne will take care of that."
Against his better judgement but unable to resist the invitation Bodie secured the car and followed his partner into the flat.
Ray had flicked on the lamp and drawn the drapes.
"Fetch the glasses Bodie," Ray instructed, easing out of his jacket and pulling off his bowtie. He went into the kitchen and hunted through the cupboard to find two appropriately shaped glasses. When he returned Ray popped the cork and quickly guided the bubbling wine into the glasses. They drank in silence. Then Ray turned to his hifi, clicking on the tape. Bodie noticed that the presentation pack from the show lay opened on top of it. The first few notes whipped through him like an electric shock.
Hot as lightning"Ray...."
Soft as candlelight....
"Ssshh...there'll be plenty of talk. Later"
He put the glasses on the fireplace and silenced any reply with a slow kiss. ...grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender... Bodie responded hesitantly, disbelievingly, as he tasted the champagne flavoured mouth and felt his partner's hands untying his bowtie ...silently the senses abandon their defences, helpless to resist... no resistance as his hands undid Ray's dress shirt buttons and contacted the well muscled chest below ...softly, deftly music shall caress you... somehow Ray had managed to remove his jacket and shirt and was trailing kisses down his neck and across his throat ...floating, falling sweet intoxication... he pulled Ray into his arms needing to hold on, make sure that he and this was real ...touch me, trust me, savour each sensation... "...m'not goin' anywhere Bodie, except to bed with you...now..." Permission granted, he released Ray long enough to lead him by the hand to the bedroom before resuming the embrace, this time bringing to it his not inconsequential skill as a lover ...slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour....
Bodie drifted up slowly. He kept his face turned into the pillow, sensing that sunlight flooded the room. He knew if he opened his eyes the wonderful dream would slip away and he wasn't ready to relinquish it. A song was playing in his head. '...close your eyes, for your eyes will only tell the truth, and the truth isn't what you want to see....' He pulled the sheet up over his head determined to regain that hazy twilight zone where everything is possible. '...in the dark it is easy to pretend, that the truth is what it ought to be....' He caught hold of the other pillow and gathered it into his arms, sighing deeply . Amazingly, not only was his head filled with the strange music, but his senses were filled with the scent of Ray. It seemed to be all over him.
Abruptly he embraced wakefulness as realisation dawned. He opened his eyes. This was not his pillow, nor was it his bed. The glare of the brilliant summer morning confirmed whose bed it was. Bodie quickly replayed the wonderful dream in the clear light of day. It had happened all right, several times he'd guess, if the state of the bed was anything to go by. It had been gentle and wild and scary and trusting. They'd laughed at misunderstood caresses and whispered a few undying truths as passion ebbed. Yes, he distinctly remembered saying it, "I love you Ray...." It was true, but did he have to say it?
God knows, he'd had plenty of practice not saying it. Plenty of practice waking up alone too. But none of it prepared him for this time. Where was Ray? Somehow he would have to face the world and go on as usual. At least he had the memory, double-edged sword that it was. He went searching for his clothes, disentangling them from Ray's. His shirt and jacket were still on the living room floor, badly creased. He'd cut no dashing figure this morning. Dragging them on he reached the front door just as a key was turned in the lock.
Ray bounced in carrying a shopping bag and a paper and nearly collided with Bodie who was rooted to the spot.
"Jesus, Bodie, you trying to scare the living daylights...."
He registered the 'fight or flee' body language and laughed.
"Leaving so soon? I don't think so." He pushed his partner back into the flat.
"Whatever it is, second thoughts or cold feet, it's too late. I got up this morning and went out to buy the makings of a 'transport cafe' breakfast. This is a first for me. I'm even goin' to cook it..." he regarded Bodie critically, "...while you shower and shave. You look like death warmed up, mate."
He took the shopping into the kitchen and extracted the seldom used frying pan from its cupboard. Then he ducked back into the living room to confirm his suspicions. Yes, Bodie was still in the place he'd left him.
"Hey sunshine, I know I was good last night but I wouldn't like you to lose touch with reality or anything. After all I'm planning to be just as good again, hopefully before we leave for work."
The words thawed Bodie. Here was the man he loved giving him his heart's desire and making it seem easy and right. His world tilted back to normal. A new depth had been added to their relationship but they were still Ray and Bodie. And he had an image to maintain.
"You were good...?" He snorted, moving in for the kill. But Ray side-stepped him.
"Uh-huh, not if you want breakfast!"
Bodie considered, it was early, plenty of time after breakfast. He smiled a promise at Ray and headed towards the bathroom.
"Better change the sheets," Ray called after him. Bodie looked back in agreement and caught a soft look on his partner's face. "I waited 'til morning to say this, I love you too."
At the words Bodie's world resumed its disconcerting tilt, but this time he took it in his stride. He rather enjoyed this new perspective. So much to be said, so much to learn. And all the time in the world to do it. He stepped into the shower whistling a haunting tune, thankfully with enough hold on reality to resist the urge to think of it as 'our song'.
...start a journey to a strange new world,-- THE END --
leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
close your eyes and let music set you free
only then can you belong to me....
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